


The Last Five Years

by ElvenSorceress



Category: Rent - Larson
Genre: Canon LGBTQ Female Character, Canon LGBTQ Male Character, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Female Character of Color, Femslash, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-29
Updated: 2006-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-25 20:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElvenSorceress/pseuds/ElvenSorceress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-RENT, Maureen remembers the ups and downs of the following five years and says goodbye to her best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Five Years

**Author's Note:**

> This was written waaaay back in 2006 for speed_rent. It's practically an antique.

Maureen was sitting at the steel table with a bowl of granola when Mark emerged from his room. She flipped through a newspaper that was likely more than three months old, watching Mark out of the corner of her eye. He disappeared into the bathroom and Maureen took the time to grab another bowl and spoon and the box of Cap’n Crunch, setting them on the opposite side of the table. She’d gone back to her cereal by the time he returned with a wet face and sat in front of her. 

“Morning,” she murmured. 

“Morning.”

She took a bite of her breakfast, noticing him warily eye his bowl and cereal. “Did you sleep?”

“Not really.” 

She nodded, letting the heavy silence hang between them. They used to be able to talk so easily. Or maybe it was just her talking, but still. So much had changed. The last five years had taken a toll. She remembered the magical night that they were given a family and longed for that year, even with all its highs and lows. She couldn’t stand the silence and the loneliness. Ok, she had Mark and she was still grateful for that, but she missed everyone else. 

There had been several months after she and Joanne found Mimi in the park that were almost as wonderful as when they had Angel. 

Joanne had been promoted and even though she was often working late, she was that much more attentive when she came home. And, of course, the extra income was never a bad thing.

Collins returned to his job at NYU, moved back in with Mark and Roger and helped co-organize three more protests with Maureen.

Mark’s film was bought by an AIDS awareness group and, with his work being broadcast, he was offered a job as director of photography at a television station that produced ‘real life’ documentaries. 

Benny had been knocked off his high horse after Alison kicked him out and he bashfully rekindled the friendship he’d once shared with Mark and likely Collins and Roger, but Maureen only knew Mark’s side of the story. 

Roger wrote several more songs and began playing at clubs around alphabet city. Mimi went to every one of his performances until summer began and she was no longer able to leave her bed. 

They had all gathered together that Fourth of July. Benny came by the loft and brought food and beer. Collins philosophized about the beauty of a holiday where it was encouraged to blow up everything in sight. She and Joanne brought a few small fireworks and she’d never forget the way Roger’s eyes lit up when she gave him a packet of sparklers. 

Maureen had watched Mark’s video of that night so many times that he yelled at her because he was afraid she’d wear it out. But she had to remember. 

Roger went downstairs to find Mimi and bring her up to join in the festivities. He didn’t return for hours. Mark was ready to go looking for him, when Roger reappeared in the doorway to their loft. 

“Where’ve you been?”

“What took you so long?”

“What were you doing?”

They had all asked. 

Roger stood there with distant eyes. 

“Roger,” Mark walked to him. “What’s wrong?”

Roger blinked a few times, not looking at anything. “Mimi,” he answered.

“Is she ok?” Collins asked, taking a few steps closer.

Benny also looked up. “Did something happen?”

Roger mechanically shook his head. “She’s... gone.”

Mark looked back to everyone sitting frozen on the windowsill. “Did she run away again?”

Roger shook his head again, opening his mouth like he couldn’t breathe. “She’s gone,” his voice caught on the words and he bent his head, fighting to fill his lungs with air. Mark and Collins watched as Roger wavered on weakened legs. They both reached out and caught him before he fell, sinking to his knees. Roger’s hands came to cover his face and he hunched over his legs, crying. 

A chill had swept over Maureen, despite the hot summer air. Somehow, she knew that there was little happiness left for her family. 

Roger, again, withdrew into silence and the solitude of his room. Mark tried everything he could think of to bring him back and was quite frustrated when Roger remained in his room, barely speaking. 

It surprised Maureen to see Roger at the funeral. He hadn’t gone to April’s. Of course, then he had been too drugged out and immersed in his depression to leave the loft. Mark explained that it had been Collins who succeeded in getting through to Roger. Something must have clicked between them since Collins had also lost his lover. And losing Angel had bonded the older man to Mimi. 

Another surprise to all of them was when Alison Grey also showed up at the funeral. She was also considerably...larger than the last time everyone had seen her, including Benny, who had no idea that his estranged wife was carrying his child. He took her to lunch afterwards to establish a peace treaty, though they ended up not as reconciled as he would have liked. 

The rest of the group went to Maureen and Joanne’s apartment. Collins helped Joanne fix sandwiches while Maureen and Mark quietly sat on either side of Roger. He didn’t look at either of them, but after a few minutes spoke to no one in particular, “You want me to say something, don’t you?”

Maureen and Mark looked at each other. “Only if you want to,” Mark assured. 

Roger was silent for a moment, but then began in a low, broken voice, “I think, I think this is how it should have been with April.” Maureen watched intently; Mark didn’t move. “I was with her. I held her and she wasn’t alone. And there was,” he hung his head, shamefully. “Nothing in the way.”

Maureen hadn’t known what to do, but Mark grasped Roger’s hand and stretched his arm over Roger’s shoulders. She turned on her side and slipped her arm over his stomach, resting her head on his shoulder. They had stayed like that with him as soundless tears fell from Roger’s face. 

Mark poured cereal into his bowl, finally deciding that eating was a good idea. It startled Maureen for a moment, prompting him to ask, “What were you thinking about?”

“When we held Roger, after Mimi died.”

Mark looked at her with glazed blue eyes then turned back to his bowl. “Oh.”

“What about you? You’re thinking about something.”

He shrugged, picking at the yellow puffs with his spoon. “Trying not to.” She stared at him until he continued. “Actually, that day in the hospital. That’s what I was thinking about.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, confused. “Which one?”

“The one you don’t like to talk about.”

She felt cold, heart-wrenching spears tear at her insides before she found the voice to ask, “With ...her?”

Mark, fixated on his cereal, nodded. 

“Why?” she accused, trying to keep the pain from her voice. 

“I was thinking about Collins.”

Maureen turned away, “Oh.”

It had been early in the spring and Collins had terrified everyone. He’d caught a cold/flu/thing at the university and collapsed one day in the loft. Mark and Roger had rushed him to the hospital. Roger stayed at his side the entire time, which led some of the less open-minded hospital staff to make certain comments about why they were dying. 

It was the day they had all been visiting and the doctor on duty refused to treat Collins, who, he said, deserved to die of AIDS. All five of Collins’ friends jumped at the remark, ready to eviscerate the doctor, but it was a nurse with long blonde hair, who always gently cared for Collins, who snapped first. She slapped the doctor, yelled at him and eventually got him fired. Maureen cheered, Mark and Benny laughed, Collins and Roger smirked and Joanne smiled. 

Mark had found her later at the cafeteria, thanked her and learned her name was Christine. She said he looked starving and bought him a muffin before going back to work. Mark had returned to the room with a dreamy look. 

“Is Marky in wuv?” Roger sing-songed. 

Glaring, Mark lightly slapped his arm. “No! But she is pretty.”

Collins laughed, “You should ask her out.”

Joanne interjected, “He can’t do that.”

“What?” Mark asked, offended. “Why not?”

“No, Mark, it’s not that,” she insisted. “Christine is gay.”

All the boys stared at her for a moment. Roger raised an eyebrow, “How do you know?” 

Maureen had watched her girlfriend, expecting her to say, she just knew. It was a gay thing. Instead, Joanne admitted, “I dated her.”

This time, Maureen stared at her. 

“What have we told you, Mark,” Benny teasingly scolded. “You have to stop going after lesbians. It never ends well.”

“Hey! Maureen wasn’t a lesbian!”

“That’s right. She wasn’t.” Roger acknowledged then looked at Mark innocently. “She is now.”

Joanne and the boys, minus Mark, had laughed. 

Maureen was simply quiet. 

Collins went home after three weeks, but every so often the aches and cough and fever would flare up and he’d be back in the hospital. They were all too afraid to consider what that might mean. 

Roger and Maureen took turns staying at the hospital, kicking the other out when they’d gone too long without food and sleep. 

Joanne stopped by as much as she could, bringing vegetarian food and often disappearing for hours at a time. Maureen watched her laugh and talk and flirt with Christine every time they were in the same room. She was certain that when Joanne left to wander the hospital, she found Christine to occupy her time. 

Maureen hadn’t known what to think. She didn’t get jealous. It was everyone else who should be jealous of her. She considered confronting Joanne, but figured she’d just say they were just talking, just being friendly. It made Maureen feel queasy. She tried to retaliate by blatantly flirting with a hot doctor. Joanne hadn’t even noticed. 

Maureen snuggled with Collins and cried quietly while he stroked her hair. 

Winter turned out to be too much for Collins’ damaged immune system. When Maureen walked in one morning to relieve Roger, she’d found him wrapped around Collins, holding his hand. “Tell her I love her,” Roger whispered and Collins slowly nodded. “And say hi to Angel for me,” he choked.

Collins smiled faintly. “Angel.” 

Maureen rushed and grabbed Collins’ other hand. He lightly squeezed back and closed his eyes. 

It rained the day of the funeral. They all stood by his grave, soaking wet while they said goodbye. 

Maureen shook her head, “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I always thought he’d be the last,” Roger confessed. “He was stronger than any of us.” 

“At least we know he’s happy,” Mark wiped rain from his glasses. “He’s with Angel now.” 

Joanne nodded through tears, placing a bundle of flowers on the grave next to Collins’. Benny left a rose on the grave beside that. 

A woman with long blonde hair came up beside Joanne. “I’m sorry about your friend,” she told everyone. 

Mark was likely about to thank her before Maureen cut in, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Christine placed a rose on Collins’ casket. “Tom was a sweet man, I wanted to say goodbye.”

“Tom?” Maureen seethed, “You didn’t know Tom, and you don’t belong here, so why don’t you leave us the fuck alone!”

Roger and Benny took several steps back. Mark cautiously placed a hand on her shoulder, “Maureen...”

“I did know him. I took care of him and I deserve to be here as much as any of you,” Christine countered.

“We took care of him. You pretended to so that you could get her back in your bed!” Maureen pointed at her girlfriend who disgracefully had her arm around the blonde. 

“Maureen!” Joanne yelled, “What the hell are you doing?”

“You think I don’t know? You don’t think I notice the way you look at her because I’m too self-absorbed, isn’t that right?” 

Mark walked backwards and stood by the other men. 

“You’re right,” Joanne said softly.

Maureen dropped her arms. “What?”

Christine cut in, “She said, ‘You’re right.’ She loves me.” 

Joanne’s hands came to her face. 

Incredulous, Maureen whispered, “What?”

The blonde continued, “I think of her and appreciate her and I’d never cheat on....”

Maureen yelled at her girlfriend, “I never cheated on you!”

Joanne sighed and stepped away from Christine. “Honey, I don’t want to do this now, let’s go.”

“No!” Maureen jerked away. “I’m not going anywhere with you.” She turned and stalked away, afraid of breaking down in front of all her friends. 

She heard Joanne apologize to the guys and leave with her. 

Maureen had tried to cheat that afternoon, but couldn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking and hurting and finally she had given up and gone home. She didn’t speak to Joanne that night, but they had plenty to say to each other the next day. They fought the entirety of the next month, both insisting they hadn’t cheated. Maureen kept asking if Joanne loved Christine, but never got an answer. Joanne wanted to know why Maureen had to flirt with anything that had legs; the only response she got was that Maureen liked the attention. 

In April, Mark went to his door late one night to find a distraught and soaking wet Maureen. “It’s over,” she whispered. Mark looked at her sadly and hugged her while she cried. 

At the breakfast table, Maureen turned back toward Mark, “Do you think I deserved it?”

“The thing with Christine?” he shrugged. “No.”

“Liar.”

“Ok, maybe.”

She sighed, slumping in her seat, “I suppose it was some ironic karma. The only one I’ve ever really loved cheats on me and leaves me for someone else.”

He met her eyes, “You really loved her?”

Maureen said nothing, but gave him a sad smile. “I was never happy with anyone else. I always wanted more. And then I finally found everything I wanted and I fucked it up.” Mark took a bite of cereal, but kept watching her. “I didn’t know how to stop for her. I wanted everyone to love me. But, you know, when it really mattered she,” Maureen turned away from Mark’s gaze. “She didn’t love me.” 

“She loved you, Maureen, you know that.” 

“I know I never said it,” she reached out and took his hand. “But I’m sorry.”

He squeezed her hand. “It’s ok.”

She frowned. “It is?”

“Yeah, I mean, it was a long time ago,” he went back to his breakfast. “I used to think it was a phase, like girls and horses. That you’d grow out of it, get over it. But when I saw you with her, you were so happy and you’d never been like that with me. And I liked Joanne. I didn’t want to at first, but she grew on me.”

Maureen smiled. “I do love you, you know.”

Mark nodded, “Love you, too.” He stood, picking up their bowls and setting them in the sink. “Besides, if you hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t have,” he paused and sighed, the lighthearted tone fading from his voice as he repeated her words. “Found everything I ever wanted.” 

She swallowed hard and went to hug him. 

She had moved in with Mark and Roger shortly after her breakup with Joanne. At the time, she hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary, but she’d been focused on her own drama. Her world was consumed with thoughts of Joanne and it was slowly making her crazy. For a while, she even went back to sleeping with men as they rarely tried to drag any emotional baggage with them. 

Benny came over one night while Mark and Roger were out and let it slip that Joanne was back with Christine. She had gotten so mad at him; she screamed at him and pushed him. He pushed her back. The next time she pushed him, he hit the wall and she kissed him. They ended up having sex against that very wall. Maureen was so grateful she’d finally found an outlet for her frustrations that she didn’t even care that it was Benny. He was pretty hot, after all. 

After one particularly taxing session, they were both in her bed, breathing heavily from their recent escapade, when the loft door slid open and Mark and Roger came home arguing. 

“Roger, why? Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know. Just leave me alone.”

“You can’t just do that and not have a reason!”

“Why the hell not?”

“I don’t know. You just can’t!”

“That’s descriptive, Mark. I’m glad you cleared everything up.”

“Stop being such an ass. Just tell me!”

“I already told you: I don’t know!”

They were quiet for a moment and Maureen turned to Benny, whispering, “Is he using again?”

Benny shook is head, “It doesn’t really sound like it.”

“Are you drunk?” Mark asked.

“No.”

“Are you high?”

“No!” Roger growled.

Mark’s voice softened, “Why?”

“I...wanted to.”

“Why?”

Roger sighed heavily, “I don’t fucking know, Mark. I just did.”

“I...I wanted it, too,” Mark admitted softly.

“You did?”

Maureen could only assume that Mark had nodded or given some kind of affirmative, because the unmistakable sounds of kissing filled the loft. “Oh. My, God,” she whispered. 

Stretching out beside her, Benny smirked. “Well, I hope you have fun. You are now living with a couple.” 

“Oh my God,” she repeated, burying her face in her hands. 

She broke it off with Benny after a few months, once the novelty had worn off. Mark and Roger, however, grew closer. She would have described it as nauseatingly sweet, but they were very discreet. In fact, it hardly changed at all between them, except Maureen knew they now shared a bed. Mark and Roger had always been close; it was just a closeness of a different kind. 

Mark pulled away from her hug, his eyes filled with tears that hadn’t fallen. “We should get dressed.” 

She agreed and went to her room, putting on her black jeans and a t-shirt for a band called the Well Hungarians. She went to Mark’s room and stood in his doorway. “That jacket is far too big for you,” she observed, watching Mark attempt to push long, black leather sleeves over his hands. 

“I don’t care,” he walked to the doorway, standing in front of her.

“Are you ready?”

He looked at her with glassy blue eyes again. “No.”

Maureen took a deep breath, “Me neither.” She took his hand and they walked all the way to the cemetery. Sitting in the grass in front of four well-visited graves, she pulled on Mark’s hand, making him sit beside her. 

He ran his fingers over the name on one. “It’s unreal.” He drew circles in the freshly placed dirt. “I always knew that someday, it would be like this. With all four of them gone. I just didn’t think it’d be so soon.”

“I know. I can’t imagine life without them. They’ve always been here, a part of us. It’s all so different now.”

“What would you tell them, if they were here?”

She smiled, sadly, “You’d be surprised. At all that I’ve become. Would you believe that I seldom fall to pieces anymore? If you were here, you’d like what you saw.”

“If you were here we’d make up time for all that’s disappeared. And I’d hold you,” he traced the name on the stone again. “Like I never could.” Mark looked up and turned back to Maureen, “What would you tell her? You know, if you were still speaking.”

She huffed, “I’m sorry. I got what I deserved.”

He gave her a soft glare. 

“I’d tell her there’s a promise I can keep. I’ll confess when I am wrong,” she looked down at the grass. “I’ve loved her all along.”

Joanne’s voice came from behind her, “Would you really?”

Maureen scrambled to her feet and spun to face her, “Pookie! I mean....sorry....bab-..Joanne.”

Joanne smiled. “It’s ok,” she reached out and tucked a curl behind Maureen’s ear. 

Joanne handed Mark the flowers that he’d requested. He placed one on each grave in front of him. Pointing to a spot a short distance away, he announced, “I’m going to give this one to April.”

Maureen watched him leave and nervously turned back to her ex. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to visit and say goodbye to Roger. Nice shirt, by the way.”

Maureen blushed, then remembered about Christine and wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold. 

“And I thought you should know,” Joanne informed. “I haven’t been with Christine for a year.” She smiled sadly, “I’ve missed you.”

Maureen’s hands went to her hips, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think we could make it work again. But,” she sighed like she was exhausted. “You’re the only one I’ve ever loved.” 

Maureen’s face lit up, she was practically bursting with joy. “You think,” she inquired coyly. “You think we could try again?” 

“I think I’m crazy, but yes. I’d like to.”

Maureen threw her arms around Joanne and kissed her. It took them both several minutes before either realized that Mark was attempting to get their attention. “I’m gonna head back home, girls. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait!” Maureen grabbed the collar of Roger’s leather jacket, jerking Mark back towards her. “You are going to stay with us and we’ll go to the Life or something.”

“Yeah, Mark, we wouldn’t leave you alone,” Joanne wrapped her arm over his shoulder and steered him down the street. 

“Of course!” Maureen bounced with a brilliant idea. “You know what? We can call Benny and fix you two up! You know he’s pretty damn good in bed.”

“What?!” Mark and Joanne both screeched.

“What?” Maureen asked innocently. 

“I don’t want to know,” Mark muttered. “I really don’t want to know.”

He and Joanne turned towards each other, talking in hushed tones as they walked. 

Maureen stopped and turned back for a moment, looking towards the cemetery. “We love you,” she blew a kiss and before running to catch up with her ex and her current, whispered, “You’d be surprised how far these arms can reach.”


End file.
